Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Plan
Television's leading hosts spent the evening criticizing President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.
The Late Show's Witty Spin
Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."
The subject was the new plan which enables overseas nationals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for five million. The program's website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."
"A brief message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the card is also designed to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.
"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"Here's a card that will let wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.