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Experiencing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing articles 50 years back, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. Over the past score of years, concentrating on op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. On average, I receive a setback frequently—adding up to more than 100 each year. In total, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. As, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

Some context: By this stage, nearly everyone and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, an editor rejected 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors rejected my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 literary agents rejected a project. A particular editor requested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be ignore my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of writers whose work was at first turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of Presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in races. The filmmaker says that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Later, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an editor may have recently run a like work, or have one in progress, or be considering a similar topic for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was busy and reviewed my work hastily to see its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are always not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, particularly dashes, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a memoir, at 65—and in excess of a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in magazines big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no features on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can better take no at 73, because my, small achievements have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. So what teachings have I gained?

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